I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
