maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
