Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
