I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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