whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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