so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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