Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
