I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
