the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
