If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
