Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
