Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
