At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Boobs speak an international language.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
