we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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