the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
