Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
