I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
