alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
