I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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