maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
