You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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