lets start a swedish sibling band together
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
