You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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