the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
