All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
