I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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