Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
