yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
