I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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