I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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