Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
