FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
