Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
