Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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