1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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