Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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