Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
