I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
