There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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