i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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