umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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