Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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