i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
