so that wasnt chicken after all
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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