he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
