I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
