There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
