would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
