your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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