Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
