I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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