hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
