She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
