i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
