I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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