He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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