Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
