Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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