i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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