i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
