wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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