remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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