after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
No I am not eating basil off your cock
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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