I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
