im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
