My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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