Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
