the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
