I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
