Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize