Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
