Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
