so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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