just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
