You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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