Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
