how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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