did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
