i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize