then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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