i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize