i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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