I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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