I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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