A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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