remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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