Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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