I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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