U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
even my farts smell like vagina
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
