end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
