I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wish you could order shots online.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
