Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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