that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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