what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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