Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
