I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
